


Wandering Roads

by Dalankar



Category: Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-15
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-21 06:26:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2458187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dalankar/pseuds/Dalankar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is a chance meeting. But it changes the rest of their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wandering Roads

**Author's Note:**

> Birthday story for Donghae: Part III

There is someone in the water, surfing. It's hard to see because the sun has barely risen behind the mountains but he sees a dark silhouette cutting through the silver-blue water. He wouldn't have thought this little seaside town would have any surfers, he hasn't even seen any tourists even through it is summer. But there he is, confidently riding the waves and Hyukjae, who has never been good in the water, is envious.

 

He pretends to be playing on his phone when the surfer finally comes ashore. The sun has risen higher in the sky and he pretends that he is not looking at the golden skin or the gorgeously toned body he can see since the surfer is very obviously not wearing a shirt. The surfer slows down when he nears Hyukjae who peers intently at his phone like his apps are so much more interesting. He exhales in half relief and half disappointment when the surfer continues to walk past. Hyukjae hears the outdoor shower start up a moment later. He turns his head slowly. The surfer is standing under the spray, head tilted upwards, letting the clear water wash the sand and the salt off his body. Hyukjae swallows. Wow. He closes his eyes for a moment, berating himself. Get a grip, Hyukjae. You're acting like you haven't seen a hot guy in your life. Calm down. Sure he's hot, but he's probably got three kids or something. Don't guys in these little towns get married ridiculously early? Okay. Okay. Three kids. When he opens his eyes with this resolutions firmly grasped in his mind, the surfer has shut off the shower and is looking right at him. Hyukjae feels his eyes widen. Oh shit. He gets rescued by a dog barking, which distracts his surfer who immediately bends down to pet the dog, cooing and smiling. Hyukjae turns away, finally catching his breath. When he dares to turn around again, the surfer and his dog are gone.

 

He's staying with his aunt who runs the town's biggest (and only) grocery shop. He's helping her out with the store while he's here. The city isn't good for your health, that's what his aunt says. It's how she explains why he'd come here. The truth is that his parents got divorced three months ago. All the closed doors and the shouting and the loud silences had been driving him insane. Even after he moved out of the family home, they hadn’t let him be. He'd almost been relieved when the break-up was formalised.

He gets up and brushes the sand off his shorts, tucking the phone back into his pocket. He heads to his aunt's shop, wondering about the surfer. If he happens to be here again tomorrow, would it be too much to pass off as a coincidence?

 

He's stacking ramen packs at the back of the shop just after midday when he hears an excited voice behind him.

"It got stocked again!"

Hyukjae turns around and- It's him! The surfer guy!

"Hi," the surfer guy says with a smile. He has a really nice smile. Nice like Hyukjae has never seen before kind of nice. But his eyes, although bright when he smiles, the surfer guy has really sad eyes.

"Hello," Hyukjae returns the greeting.

"I'm Donghae. You're new here," Donghae says, looking at him with fascinated eyes.

"Yeah. I'm staying with my aunt for the holidays. I'm Hyukjae by the way." He wonders when the right time would be to ask if Donghae has three kids at home.

"I know, your aunt told me," Donghae tells him and immediately turns pink. Hyukjae blinks, wondering if he'd misheard.

"You- asked my aunt about me?"

Donghae scratches at the back of his neck, shifting a little. "I saw you at the beach... I was going to say hello… but you looked busy-so I-uh-we don't get many new people around here, you know!" Donghae exclaims, startling Hyukjae.

"Oh." Hyukjae can't help the smile that spreads across his face. "Okay."

Donghae looks at him cautiously. Then seeing Hyukjae smiling, he relaxes, breaking into a smile of his own.

"That's my favourite ramen." Donghae points to the shelf behind Hyukjae. "It ran out last week and I was sad."

Hyukjae picks a pack off the shelf for him. "Here you go."

Donghae hugs the ramen to his chest. "Thank you," he says solemnly.

"Do you-um- do you surf a lot?" Hyukjae, walking Donghae back to the counter.

"Did you see me in the water?" Donghae asks excitedly. "Was I good? I taught myself so I don't really know. I just like it."

"You taught yourself?" Hyukjae asks incredulously. "Really?"

Donghae nods earnestly. "I nearly drowned a few times but I'm better now."

"You looked good," Hyukjae says without thinking and then freezes when he realises what he'd said. Donghae looks at him with wide eyes. "I meant you -you surf really well - atleast I mean I don't know much about it but- you didn't fall off your board once so I guess that's good." Hyukjae pauses, breathless with his explanation.

Donghae's face clears into his widest smile of the day. It has to be brighter than sunshine, Hyukjae thinks.

"Will you come watch me tomorrow?" Donghae asks hopefully. Hyukjae doubts anyone would be able to say no to Donghae when he asks like that, like his heart would break if Hyukjae says no.

Hyukjae nods. "Okay. But what will you give me in return?"

Donghae's face scrunches up in thought. "Lunch! You can come home with me for lunch!"

Hyukjae blinks and Donghae's face loses some of its joy.

"Is that- not okay? Do you-"

"It's okay," Hyukjae reassures him. "More than okay." He smiles and the frown disappears from Donghae's face.

"Good." Donghae smiles happily and Hyukjae smiles back. He doesn't remember the last time he smiled so much.

 

His mother calls him that night. Hyukjae closes the door to his room and sits down at the edge of the bed.

"I can't believe you ran away and left me here, Hyukjae. I need you to support me," she tells him in a voice that doesn't sound like she missed him at all. "You've always been like your father, so selfish. And you always take his side."

Hyukjae forces himself to not crush the phone in his hand.

"Mom, please." Both his parents had played this game before the divorce and now even after it, always bad mouthing the other and trying to get Hyukjae to pick sides. He thinks he hates them sometimes. And he is so tired of even that. He listens to her complain, about the house, about the money, even the dog and when she eventually hangs up with an order for him to come back as soon as possible, he curls up into a ball on the bed. He doesn’t want anything to do with them, with the business. He just wants to be the person that he wants to be. He’d thought dropping out of Law would show them that but all they’d done was to pretend it never happened. He presses his palms over his eyes, trying to force the tears back and fails. He buries his face in the pillow and hopes that it somehow muffles the sound of his sobs.

 

He doesn't wake up in time to meet with Donghae at the beach and his aunt doesn’t wake him up to go to the shop so he wakes up close to midday, feeling miserable, to an insistent knocking at the front door. He stays hidden under the covers and hopes that by some miracle his aunt is still at home. But the knocking continues and he slowly drags himself out of bed, hoping that he'd make a terrible enough impression on whoever is knocking and they'd go away. Immediately.

The bright expression on Donghae's face disappears when Hyukjae opens the door.

"Did you get sick?" Donghae peers worriedly at him. Hyukjae stares. "Hyukjae, do you need medicine?"

Eventually Hyukjae shakes his head. "I'm not sick," he says in a slightly gravelly voice. The worried expression on Donghae's face remains fixed. "I'm sorry I missed you this morning," he adds.

Donghae shakes his head like it doesn't matter at all. "I guess you can't come for lunch if you're sick," Donghae says sadly.

Hyukjae laughs softly. "Give me five minutes to get ready," he says in a stronger voice and disappears back into the house, leaving the door open for Donghae who grins at him happily.

 

Donghae's house turns out to be a long way inland, towards the mountains. Donghae is leading the way, almost skipping along the path and Hyukjae is fascinated by everything, the freshly harvested rice fields, the colourful birds and the endless blue sky above him. He wonders what it would be like to live here, to be surrounded by so much beauty. He hopes Donghae knows how lucky he is, to call this home.

His dad is up in the orchards, tending the apple trees, Donghae tells him happily.

"Usually I help him but today I'm with you."

"Your dad doesn't mind?" Hyukjae asks curiously. Donghae looks back at him with a smile.

"Nope. He's happy I made a new friend. My mom's happy too," Donghae says and his voice is so sincere that Hyukjae pauses.

"Donghae…" he tries, wondering what he can say to someone who seems so happy to just be here with him. Hyukjae has never met someone like this before.

"I'm really glad you came to live with your aunt." Donghae smiles, links arms with Hyukjae and resumes walking.

Hyukjae lets Donghae pulls him along and doesn't find the courage to say that he is only here for the summer.

 

Donghae's mom is really nice. She takes one look at Hyukjae and tsks that he is too skinny and tells him that he has to eat a lot. It's okay because she cooked a lot of food. Donghae's dad comes down from the orchard to have lunch and meet Donghae's new friend. He shakes Hyukjae's hand with a warm smile and tells him he is welcome any time, especially if he wants to help out with the harvest because he doesn't have enough workers. Hyukjae bows and says he'd love to, it'd be exciting and Donghae hugs him excitedly and nearly upturns their lunch table. After lunch they sit on the back porch and eat the apples Donghae's mom gives them. Hyukjae has never really taken to apples. But these ones, Donghae's apples, are amazing. He wipes at his mouth when juice dribbles down his chin and Donghae laughs at him as he bites into his second.

"You've lived your whole life here?" Hyukjae asks looking around at the green mountains, and the tall trees and the bright sunlight. Even the air smells sweet here, like apples.

Donghae nods. "Yep. The furthest I've been is maybe twenty miles from here to my uncle's house."

Hyukjae blinks. "You've never been to Seoul?"

Donghae shakes his head. "Is it scary?" He asks, eyes wide and curious.

Hyukjae starts to laugh but then he stops. Because maybe Donghae is right too.

"Depends," he says, feeling brave and Donghae frowns.

"On what?"

"If you go there with me or not," he says with a grin. Donghae's eyes widen even further, this time with excitement.

"Really? You'll show me?"

Hyukjae smiles. "Sure. Whenever you want to go."

Donghae smiles back at him and Hyukjae feels… happy. And it feels strange because he never thought he'd find it here. He was looking for peace, he'd thought maybe happiness would have been too much to ask for.

"Thank you," he says softly as Donghae throws his apple core at the bushes in the distance.

Donghae turns his head towards him with curious eyes. "Why?"

"I feel better," he answers and Donghae smiles at him knowingly.

"I knew it! You _were_ sick."

Donghae insists on walking him back, turning a deaf ear to Hyukjae's protests that he definitely would not get lost. The sun is almost setting by the time they near his aunt's house and the sound of the sea, flowing and ebbing, to which Hyukjae has become accustomed to, becomes clearer.

"Will you come tomorrow?" Donghae asks hopefully.

"To watch you surf?"

Donghae nods.

"Try and stop me," Hyukjae tells him and watches as Donghae's face lights up.

They reach the front gate and Hyukjae pauses.

"Do you want to come in?"

Donghae shakes his head. He looks a little nervous and his eyes keep on flickering away from Hyukjae's face.

"It's okay. My aunt's not home yet," Hyukjae reassures him.

Donghae shakes his head again. "I have to go back."

"Oh-"

"Hyukjae," Donghae says abruptly and leans forward to kiss him on the lips. Before he even has the time to process, Donghae is off, running down the foot path at break-neck speed. Hyukjae can even see a cloud of dust rising up behind him. He lifts a hand to his lips just as Donghae disappears around the corner. He smiles to himself and feels his cheeks heat up. He doubts he'd sleep much tonight either but this time it is because he has been given something wonderful.

 

Hyukjae wonders if Donghae would turn up in the morning, especially after he ran away like the hordes of hell were after him last night. But when he gets to the beach, Donghae is already in the water, riding the waves like he was born for it. Hyukjae lets his toes sink into the sand and watches Donghae's dark figure sliding across the waves. Then he gets his phone out of his pocket and starts to film him, catching him as he ducks under waves and rides atop others and makes it seem as though the water steadies him as much as the earth. He is still filming when Donghae finally comes ashore. He's not wearing a shirt again and Hyukjae's throat goes a little dry at the vast expanse of golden skin. Donghae is frowning a little as he comes closer.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm filming you," Hyukjae says, turning with Donghae as he tries to circle around the phone.

"With your phone?"

Hyukjae blinks. "Yeah."

Donghae's eyes widen in surprise. "It can do that?"

Hyukjae smiles. "Yep. So say hello."

Donghae looks uncertainly at him, then at the camera.

"Hello?" He says tentatively, as if the phone is a live thing.

"Hi," Hyukjae answers.

Donghae's eyes flicker up to him, then he smiles and looks back at the camera.

"Hi, Hyukjae's phone. Do you think Hyukjae will come and pick apples with me today?"

Hyukjae feels the smile on his face grow. He moves the phone up and down as a nod. "I'd love to."

Donghae looks up at him then, face serious like Hyukjae hasn't seen so far.

"Yes?" Donghae asks and Hyukjae realises that Donghae is asking him if it's okay. If it's okay to want this. Hyukjae stops recording, steps closer to Donghae and kisses him, lightly but a promise nonetheless.

"Yes."

Donghae doesn't run this time.

 

Apple picking turns out to be less fun and more sweating and sunburn and back breaking kind of work. But he's doing it with Donghae whose good mood never ebbs and all Hyukjae needs is to take one look at his bright smile to know it's worth it. Bonus, Donghae's mom cooks a delicious lunch for them and maybe it's because of the hard work but it is the best meal he's had in ages. He tells her this and she pats him on the back and says it can't be as good as his own mother's cooking.

"My mother doesn't cook," Hyukjae says without thinking. Everyone goes a little quiet after that. "I'm sorry," he apologises when he realises he's ruined lunch.

Donghae's mom assures him that there is nothing to be sorry for and dishes more rice into his bowl.

Bonus number two, as Hyukjae discovers that afternoon when Donghae leads him there, is the lake.

"There's a spring under there," Donghae tells him as Hyukjae stares, open mouthed, at the crystal clear water sparkling temptingly in front of him.

"It's kind of small now because it's summer but it's much bigger when it's cooler," Donghae explains, setting down the towels he'd brought on the rocks by the shore.

"It's amazing," Hyukjae tells him, voice filled with awe and Donghae grins.

"Let's go!" He yells and runs off into the water. Hyukjae follows him a heartbeat later, splashing into the cool, blue water that instantly drains the heat and the tiredness out of him.

He discovers that the 'lake' is not so deep. It comes up to his waist at the centre where it is deepest and he can feel the water bubbling up against his feet from the spring below.

"Hyukjae," Donghae calls and he turns around only to be hit in the face by a splash of water. They degenerate into a splashing fest after that and Hyukjae ends up trying to grab Donghae's arms to stop him from reaching the water. He ends up with his arms around Donghae, his chest against Donghae's bare back and suddenly they both freeze. He should let go and step back.

He should.

Instead, he presses his lips against the wet skin of Donghae's shoulder. Donghae shivers under the midday sun. Hyukjae kisses his way across Donghae's shoulder blades, enjoying the way Donghae seems so sensitive every time his teeth nip gently at his skin.

"Hyukjae," Donghae breathes out his name and Hyukjae feels it sink down to his bones. He moves around Donghae until he is facing him. He rests a hand on the crook of Donghae's shoulder and his fingers curl in strands of Donghae's wet hair. Donghae's eyes are wide and dark, watching him, waiting for him.

"Can I?" Hyukjae asks, unable to tears his eyes from Donghae's lips.

Donghae licks his lips, deliberately or not, Hyukjae doesn't know but Donghae has barely said yes when he surges forward and crushes their mouths together.

It might be need, it might be loneliness. Hyukjae doesn't know. But it might be something else entirely and under the spotless blue sky, they are free.

 

Summer flies by. Hyukjae eats a lot of apples, tries to surf and learns how to be happy. He comes to a point when he is rarely without Donghae, who still smiles the same and wakes up so early in the morning to surf. Donghae still blushes when they kiss and holds his hand like it is the most precious thing in the world and Hyukjae is happier than he has ever been in his life.

As the end of the holidays approach, Hyukjae's heart gets heavier by the day. He'll have to go back to the city and he's sure that Donghae knows this although he's acting as if everything will stay the same. Two days before Hyukjae is due to leave, they sit on the sand and watch the sunset. Hyukjae watches the pinks and the purples and the liquid gold of the sun eventually give way to the starry sky and the street lamps. He wishes he could stay here forever. Stay here with Donghae.

"Hey, Donghae," he starts and Donghae, who'd been filming the sunset (although Hyukjae is sure the camera was mostly pointed towards Hyukjae himself), with Hyukjae's phone, looks up at him with a smile.

"My mom's making crab stew tonight, do you want to come over?" Donghae asks, slipping the phone into Hyukjae's pocket and leaning his head on Hyukjae's shoulder. Hyukjae sighs and turns his head, breathing in the scent of Donghae's hair, like apples. "Donghae, I'm leaving in two days," he says and waits nervously for Donghae's reaction.

Donghae stays still for a long moment, digging at the sand with a toe.

"I know. Your aunt told me."

Hyukjae startles and Donghae slowly lifts his head. "But you'll come back, right?" Donghae asks hopefully, reaching for one of Hyukjae's hands and holding on to it with both hands.

"Donghae-I - "

"Hyukjae -" Donghae pauses, ducking his head and by the light of the street lamps behind them, Hyukjae sees the shining trails of tears on Donghae's cheeks. His heart twists in his chest and he leans in, pulling Donghae into his arms.

"Don't cry, Donghae," he whispers, running a soothing hand down Donghae's back. "Please."

Donghae buries his face in Hyukjae's shoulder. Hyukjae holds on to him tightly and wonders how a simple holiday turned into something so life changing. Donghae's tears ease off after a while and he pulls away from Hyukjae, dark hair falling into his face and obscuring his eyes.

"Don't go," Donghae whispers softly and Hyukjae's heart breaks. He wipes the tears away from his own eyes before Donghae sees. He doesn't want Donghae to start crying again.

"Hey," he says, pulling the phone out of his pocket. He takes Donghae's hand and puts the phone in his hand. "Take this." Donghae looks up at him with huge, tear stained eyes. He brushes the hair back from Donghae's forehead. "I'll get a new one in the city. This way I can call you whenever I want."

Donghae still looks uncertain, eyes moving from Hyukjae down to the phone and back. "Are you sure?"

Hyukjae smiles, leans in and kisses Donghae for one long moment. "Yes." When he leans back Donghae doesn't look so unhappy anymore. "I'm sure."

 

The apartment looks the same as he had left it when he arrives, like no one lives there. After the country, the city feels too bright, too loud and too crowded and Hyukjae collapses on to his bed without changing. Behind his eyelids he sees Donghae waving him goodbye as his bus pulled away, Hyukjae's phone clutched in one hand. Hyukjae turns over and buries his face in the quilt cover. He already misses him so much. He'd never expected to find someone like Donghae, never expected to feel like his heart is being ripped apart every moment he's away from him. He takes a breath and pulls out the new phone he bought on the way home. With a pang he realizes that all his photos and videos are in his old phone. He doesn't even have a photo of Donghae. He bites into his lip until it hurts and types a message to Donghae, who must be waiting worried by the phone.

_Hey. Got home safely. Did you eat? Don't forget to eat, okay. I miss you._

Donghae's reply comes within a minute of his'.

_Mom made dinner. Kimchi fried rice with chicken. You would have loved it. I don't want to eat._

_Without you._

Hyukjae sits up cross-legged on the bed.

_Sounds delicious. Eat extra for me too, Donghae. Don't go to sleep with an empty stomach._

Donghae's reply takes a few minutes to arrive. And when it does, it simply reads: _I wish you were here._

Then. _Are you my dream?_

_Maybe we dreamt each other up. Maybe we're just ghosts, Donghae. But maybe ghosts can miss each other too._ Hyukjae presses send and runs away to have a shower, leaving the phone on his bed.

When he comes back, feeling cleaner and better after washing off the travel dust. Donghae's reply is waiting for him.

_My Hyukjae, don't forget to eat dinner. I'll eat now._

And then.

_Good night, Hyukjae. I'll dream about you._

"Goodnight, Donghae," Hyukjae whispers softly, imagining Donghae curled up on his bed at home, watching the stars through his window.

 

Weeks pass. As Hyukjae gets busier with dance school, he starts to miss Donghae less and less. Of course there are moments when he almost feels it as a physical ache, huge and debilitating, but there are days now when he barely thinks about Donghae at all. And the texts and calls from Donghae get become less frequent and Hyukjae thinks maybe it is better this way. How could they have worked out anyway? So he pushes it all back and away. Doesn't think about Donghae's smile, or the warmth of his body or how happy he'd been with Donghae. This is just another thing Hyukjae is willing to let go, another thing that would have ended up hurting him anyway.

He's just gotten home one night when his phone rings. He frowns at the unknown number before answering the call.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Hello? Is this Hyukjae? Lee Hyukjae?" It is a woman's voice, familiar although Hyukjae can't place it.

"Yes this is Hyukjae. Who is this?"

"Oh Hyukjae! I'm so glad! This is Donghae's mom. Do you remember?" For no conceivable reason, Hyukjae's heart starts to beat faster.

"Yes, mother. I remember. Is everything alright?"

"Is Donghae there?" She asks worriedly and Hyukjae's heart plummets. "He left yesterday to come visit you. I told him to call me when he got there but he hasn't called yet. That idiot child of mine, always making me worry. But he is there isn't he, Hyukjae? He's with you?"

Hyukjae's knees give and he braces a hand against the wall to stay upright.

"Donghae came to the city?" He whispers.

"He's not there? Oh my poor boy! My poor Donghae. What if some thing happened-"

"Mother," Hyukjae interrupts, already on his way out of the door. "I'll find him, I promise. I'll find him. I'll call you after that. Please don't worry, mother."

"Oh Hyukjae. He's been missing you so much."

Hyukjae swallows hard as he rushes to the elevator. "I'll call you soon, mother," he promises and hangs up.

"Donghae, you idiot," he mutters as he runs down towards the road. "Just be okay. Be okay."

 

He gets to the bus depot almost in a panic. Donghae hasn't answered his phone and as much as he would like to not think about it, all the terrible things that could have happened to Donghae keeps flashing through his head.

"Be here," he begs as he searches through the terminals. "Please, Donghae. Just be here."

He's at the second last terminal when he sees the figure curled up on the chairs, his knees drawn up to his chest and head pillowed on his bag. Hyukjae would recognize that mop of hair anywhere.

"Donghae. Donghae, wake up."

The dark head shifts and then Donghae's sleepy eyes are looking at him in astonishment. "Hyukjae?"

"Are you okay?" Hyukjae asks, eyes roaming over Donghae to check for any visible injuries.

Donghae jumps at him, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face in Hyukjae's shoulder. Hyukjae can't help it when he holds on to Donghae with both hands, breathing in the familiar apple scent of his hair and so utterly thankful that he is safe.

"You idiot!" He yells when he is sure that Donghae is okay. "What if something happened to you? Why didn't you call me?"

Donghae leans back a little, eyes fixed on the ground "It ran out of battery," Donghae whispers sadly.

Hyukjae resists the urge to shake him. "Do you know how worried your mom is? How worried I was? I thought something terrible happened to you!"

Donghae looks up at him with eyes shining with tears. The last time Hyukjae had seen Donghae, waving goodbye to him two months ago, Donghae had looked exactly like this. "I'm sorry," Donghae whispers. "I just wanted to see you."

Hyukjae stares at him for a beat before pulling him into a hug again. "I'm so glad you're okay," he says softly and feels Donghae's tears soak into his shirt.

 

On the way back, Hyukjae pulls Donghae's bag off his shoulder and gives him his phone. "Call your mom."

He throws the bag over his own shoulder, links their hands together and resists the urge to laugh when he hears Donghae's mom yelling over the phone. Afterwards, Donghae walks slowly and stares wide eyed at everything, the tall buildings, the lights and the people.

"Hyukjae!" Donghae cries. "Hyukjae, that man has blue hair!"

Hyukjae, who'd panicked that something horrible had happened, blinks at Donghae and looks over at the guy with the blue hair. A busker, playing his guitar at the street corner. He laughs and ruffles Donghae's hair. "I think you'd look good with blue hair too, Donghae."

Donghae shakes his head vehemently in denial. "No way. No way."

Hyukjae ducks into his favourite takeaway shop on the way. He orders dinner while Donghae looks around with starry eyes. Donghae exclaims in surprise when he sees the cartons of food in Hyukjae's hands.

"It's our dinner,” Hyukjae tells him, pulling Donghae out of the restaurant. Donghae looks at him with wide eyes and Hyukjae laughs as they climb up the front steps of his apartment building. "I'm too tired to cook after chasing after you all night, so you have to put up with this. I'll cook something nice for you tomorrow," he tells him, putting in the passcode to enter the building.

"Hyukjae! You can cook?" Hyukjae should be offended at how astonished Donghae sounds but he laughs instead when Donghae startles back as the doors slide open. "Come on."

 

Donghae is shocked that he has no garden.

"It's the 17th floor, Donghae. Kind of hard to have a garden."

Other than the lack of a garden, Donghae likes it. He is then confused about the mirror wall in the living room until Hyukjae explains that he had it put in so he can use the room as a backup dance room. But most of all, Donghae loves the balcony. He watches the city sprawled around him with shining eyes.

"It's like the sky, Hyukjae," he says, voice filled with wonder and Hyukjae can't help but lean into kiss him. He hadn't realised that he'd missed Donghae so much until now when he is in Hyukjae's arms.

Donghae falls asleep on the couch while Hyukjae's plating out their dinner in the kitchen. He puts the plates on the coffee table and looks down at Donghae, curled up on the couch, breathing evenly in sleep.

"Your mom is going to kill me for letting you go to sleep hungry," he complains. "Donghae. Donghae, wake up. You can't sleep here, you'll turn into a pretzel."

Hyukjae manages to gather Donghae and propel him, still mostly asleep, towards the bedroom. He tucks Donghae under the covers and thinks that he looks perfect, asleep in Hyukjae's bed like this. He smiles to himself and turns away to go put the food in the fridge when Donghae's hand snakes out from under the covers and wraps around his wrist. Hyukjae looks down at him in surprise. Donghae's eyes are still closed.

"I missed you, Hyukjae," Donghae whispers and Hyukjae's heart twists painfully in his chest. He wonders how he'd ever thought he could be without Donghae. He kneels down beside him and Donghae's eyes slide open a fraction.

"I'm not going anywhere," Hyukjae promises, leaning in and pressing his lips to Donghae's forehead. "I'm right here."

Donghae's lips curl into a smile. "Okay," he says and his eyes fall shut again. When Hyukjae is sure that Donghae has fallen back to sleep, he gently disentangles their hands, tucking Donghae's hand back under the covers. He waits a few more minutes watching Donghae sleep before heading out to the kitchen. He puts the food in the fridge and is washing the dishes in the sink when he is hit with a wave of happiness. He laughs aloud, grateful beyond measure that Donghae is here, that he hadn't lost him, that this might be it. His one true love.

 

Donghae is not on the bed when Hyukjae wakes up in the morning. But when he turns over in bed, Donghae is standing by the window, the floor length window that opens up to the balcony outside. Donghae is standing there, one hand on the glass in front of him.

"Donghae?"

"This is what you see every day?" Donghae asks, turning around to face Hyukjae, who is now sitting up in bed. "It's beautiful."

Hyukjae wants to say that what Donghae wakes up to back home is more beautiful than this, the mountains and the sea. But maybe Donghae is feeling what Hyukjae had felt when he had first woken up to the sight of the ocean outside his window. He gets off the bed, padding up to Donghae to look over at the cityscape. It looks grey and unremarkable so he looks back at Donghae.

"Would you like a tour?" He asks with a smile. Donghae nods with huge eyes.

"Is that-you're not busy?"

"It's Saturday." Hyukjae pulls Donghae in closer. "I'll take you to the most famous tower in Seoul," he promises and kisses Donghae to seal it.

 

Donghae bounces around the cable car as it ascends. Happily exclaiming at the city spread out below them. And maybe of all the times that Hyukjae had come up here, this is the first time he'd actually thought the journey is worth the effort of getting here. He buys Donghae a potato sausage when they reach the mountain and later Donghae whispers to him that his neighbourhood grandmother makes them so much better than that grumpy looking guy. Hyukjae laughs and links their arms together. "Come on, let's go up."

They buy two locks and writes messages on them. Hyukjae writes _Lee Donghae is mine_. Donghae turns pink when he sees the message but would not let Hyukjae see his own.

"Let's come back in a year okay?" He pleads. "Then you can see it."

Hyukjae blinks, squashes down on his curiosity and locks his own padlock beside Donghae's secret one.

 

They run into Hyukjae's friend Choi Siwon at Hyukjae's favourite café that evening. Siwon insists on sitting down with them to meet Hyukjae's new friend. His eyes widen when Donghae introduces himself.

"'Lee Donghae'? You're Donghae?" Siwon looks at Hyukjae with astonished eyes. "You didn't make him up? He's a real person?"

Hyukjae hits him on the arm with a packet of sugar. "Of course I didn't make him up! Why would you even think that?"

Siwon shakes his head and turns to Donghae, who is watching this exchange with curious eyes.

"I'm sorry, man. The way this guy talked about you-" Siwon pauses to poke Hyukjae in the chest. "I thought he made you up. Everyone thought you made him up!"

"O," Donghae says.

"He didn't even have a photo of you, you know? No one believed him," Siwon says in his defence.

Hyukjae's heart melts a little at the way Donghae smiles at him.

"Oh wow," Siwon says, looking between them both. "I'm suddenly feeling like the third wheel here."

Hyukjae pokes him with a foot. "You are the third wheel."

Siwon grins, eyebrows dancing dangerously and turns to Donghae.

"So Donghae, as Hyukjae's friend, I'm required to make sure you're a good match for him so I'm going to ask you some questions."

"You do not!" Hyukjae almost yells. Then he looks at Donghae. "He does not. Don't answer anything, okay."

Donghae looks between them with a slightly alarmed expression.

"You're freaking him out, Hyukjae. Calm down," Siwon says, patting Donghae's shoulder soothingly. "So Donghae, what do you do? I mean this guy," Siwon indicates Hyukjae with a nod of his head, "-finally thinks he wants to be a dancer."

"I-" Donghae looks at Hyukjae helplessly.

"He's a surfer," Hyukjae answers, smiling at Donghae.

Siwon blinks. "I thought you were from the country?"

"It's a seaside town, you idiot!" Hyukjae despairs. Siwon is now looking at Donghae in fascination. "You're really a surfer?"

Hyukjae sighs. "Donghae, show him your phone."

Donghae digs it out and hands it to Hyukjae, who finds the video he recorded of Donghae surfing and hands it to Siwon. "Here, watch."

When the video finishes, Siwon looks up with an expression on his face that says he just had an epiphany. Siwon turns to Donghae, all attention on him and Donghae watches him with a slight frown on his face as though he's confused. Hyukjae understands. He feels that way about Siwon most of the time.

"Two days ago my company was contracted by a surf equipment company to design an advertising campaign for them. We've been searching for a model, someone good looking who can surf and we've found no one so far who fits both criteria." He leaves the 'until now' unsaid. "Donghae, I think you're perfect. Not the way Hyukjae thinks you're perfect but in an entirely professional way. So what do you say?"

Hyukjae stares at Siwon with his mouth open in surprise. As much as he likes to fool around, Siwon is always serious when it comes to his company. Hyukjae knows he would not make this offer half-hearted, but that doesn't mean he is not surprised.

"What do I say to what?" Donghae asks, sounding confused.

"Do you want to be a model?"

 

Hyukjae goes with Donghae to his first photo shoot. Donghae holds his hand in an iron grip, nervous and absolutely certain that he is about to fail spectacularly. Just before they step into the studio, Hyukjae presses Donghae into the closest wall and cradles his face in both hands.

"You're going to be amazing," Hyukjae tells him. "You are the most wonderful person I've ever met and everyone in there will see it too. I know it!" The worried frown eases from Donghae's face and he smiles softly.

"I'm the luckiest person in the world," Donghae says, placing his hands over Hyukjae's. "I have you."

 

That night Hyukjae cooks Donghae a full dinner. Not just rice and one dish but everything, meat and vegetables, and desert and even wine. He lights some candles for luck as well. Donghae's eyes widen to the size of saucers at the sight of the food and the candles and suddenly Hyukjae feels self-conscious. Is this is too much? What if Donghae gets overwhelmed and thinks Hyukjae is pushing him too far? But then Donghae is turning towards him and there are tears shining in his eyes.

"Hyukjae," Donghae breathes, looking at Hyukjae like he's a miracle and rushes to him. Hyukjae wraps both arms around him and holds him close.

"I'm so happy you stayed," Hyukjae whispers into Donghae's dark hair. Donghae leans back a little to look Hyukjae in the eyes.

"I belong with you, right?"

Hyukjae smiles and kisses him.

After dinner Hyukjae asks Donghae to dance. Donghae, who'd taken to the wine with cautious curiosity at first, is now looking very very pink.

"Come and dance with me," Hyukjae holds out a hand. Donghae's eyes widen. "I don't know how."

Hyukjae smiles. "I'll teach you. Dance with me."

Donghae breaks into a soft smile and puts his hand in Hyukjae's. Hyukjae places Donghae's hands on his hips and wraps his own around Donghae's shoulders. "Just move with me."

Donghae adapts to dancing as well as Hyukjae expected and when his toes get stepped on for the fourth time, he stops. "Let's drink!" He says with a grin and heads to the fridge to grab some beer. They sit on the floor with their beer as winter rain lashes the city outside. Donghae, who has never drunk beer before, drinks with curious enthusiasm. Hyukjae watches him blink dazedly after a while and wonders if he should take away the bottle in Donghae's hand.

"Appa," Donghae whispers suddenly, voice filled with sad longing. "Appa, I miss you."

"Donghae, your dad is at home. You can go back and visit," Hyukjae tells him fondly.

Donghae shakes his head and his dark hair falls into his face. "Appa's not home. Appa's up there." Donghae points up, tilting his face upwards towards the ceiling. Hyukjae stares at him.

"Donghae…"

"There was a storm. Appa's boat got caught," Donghae looks at Hyukjae and there are tears shining in his eyes. "I waited and waited. He didn't come home." Donghae drops his head and his tears fall. Hyukjae gently pries the beer bottle out of Donghae's hand. He'd never even thought that the man he'd met at Donghae's home was his stepfather. All Hyukjae had seen were two loving parents. He pulls at Donghae until Donghae lies down, head in Hyukjae's lap.

"He would have liked you a lot, Hyukjae," Donghae tells him, his hands fisting in the hem of Hyukjae's shirt. Hyukjae runs a hand through Donghae's hair.

"I would have liked him a lot too." Anyone Donghae loves so much must have been amazing. Donghae smiles and closes his eyes.

  

At the end of the CF shooting, Donghae gets desperately ill with fever. It turns out that they had filmed in the sea. This is the middle of winter.

"That Siwon, I'm going to kill him," Hyukjae mutters, placing a wet cloth on Donghae's forehead. Donghae, his eyes closed and fluttering, turns his head towards him. Hyukjae has to admit that he is kind of freaking out. He's never looked after a sick person before and he keeps on thinking of ways that he might make a mess of everything. He has already fed Donghae a safe quantity of fever medicine that he had run down to the nearest pharmacy to get when he had realized Donghae was sick. He doesn't want to call Donghae's mom yet because he doesn't want to scare her and he doesn't want her to think he is not capable of looking after her son.

"Appa, " Donghae whispers, shifting on the bed. Hyukjae stares down at him, frozen for a moment before reaching up to replace the cloth that fell when Donghae moved.

He runs a careful hand through Donghae's hair. "It's okay, Donghae," he says, pleads. "You're going to be okay."

Donghae whimpers softly and his eyes open in tiny slivers. "Hyukjae...?"

Hyukjae leans closer, peering at him closely. He's started to sweat now, skin glistening from it and Hyukjae decides to take that as a good sign.

"Hey, baby," he whispers. Donghae's lips curl up into a tiny smile.

"Baby," Donghae repeats and his eyes fall shut again. Hyukjae sighs and wipes the sweat off Donghae's face and neck with a towel. He sits by Donghae's side all night and the last thing he is aware of thinking before he falls asleep by the side of the bed is that he really is going to punch Siwon in the face when he sees him again.

 

Hyukjae doesn't punch Siwon when he visits to see Donghae but he does yell. A lot. And Siwon apologizes and apologizes and promises that it will never happen again, which doesn't deter Hyukjae at all but then Donghae steps into save Siwon from being yelled at any further.

The advertising campaign goes really well. Siwon takes them both to visit one of the surf shop branches in their local shopping complex and Donghae stares at the life sized cardboard cutout of himself for a long, disbelieving moment. Then Hyukjae makes him stand next to it to take a photo to show Donghae's mom. He kisses Donghae's bright face and says, "I'm so proud of you, this is amazing." Donghae smiles brightly and kisses him back.

 

Siwon finds Donghae steady work after that. He says that it's easy because Donghae has a face that is so trustworthy that can sell anything. Hyukjae doesn't know if he should take offense on behalf of Donghae or not. Atleast Donghae loves it. But sometimes he doesn't get to sleep for days and Hyukjae looks at his tired face and wonders what he' doing. But Donghae promises him that this is what he wants and please, Hyukjae, don't worry about me.

Then one day, Hyukjae comes home and Donghae is already there. He is watching the city out the window. Hyukjae is surprised. Donghae usually gets in closer to midnight when he is on a job.

"You finished early?" Hyukjae asks, dropping his bag and heading straight for the fridge. Practise had been exhausting today. Hyukjae pauses when Donghae doesn't answer and leaves his water on the kitchen counter to walk over to him.

"What's wrong?" He asks and Donghae turns his face away from him. Frowning Hyukjae turns him towards him with a hand on Donghae's shoulder and gasps in shock. There is a shallow graze running down the side of Donghae's right cheek.

"What- What the fuck happened?"

Donghae finches and Hyukjae takes a deep breath to calm himself.

"What happened, Donghae?"

He steps closer and Donghae still refuses to meet his eyes. Hyukjae leans in, curling a hand around the nape of Donghae's neck. "Tell me, please."

"I-" Donghae gulps. "I didn't do well today," Donghae whispers. Hyukjae blinks.

"'Didn't do-' Did the director do this? He hit you?" Hyukjae asks, anger giving way to disbelief. Donghae nods, slowly. "But I know I should try harder. I couldn't-"

"Stop it!" Hyukjae cries. "This is not your fault."

Donghae hunches his shoulders as if he's trying to hide. Hyukjae's heat hurts at the sight. He pulls Donghae into his arms. "It's okay. It's okay," he whispers softly and after a long moment of Hyukjae holding his breath, Donghae's arms wrap around him just as tightly.

 

Hyukjae waits until Donghae is a sleep to call Siwon. Turns out Siwon was aware that something had happened on set but didn't know the details.

"I'm so sorry, Hyukjae. I'll replace the director. I'll fix this."

"I trusted him to you, Siwon," he says, the fear that he'd be responsible for Donghae getting hurt grips his heart again.

"I know, Hyukjae, " Siwon says softly and they stay quiet for a moment. "Are you sure this is the best thing to do?"

Hyukjae has been asking himself the very same question for a while now. The answer he always gives himself is that this is what Donghae wants. But he shies away from the truth that lies even deeper. That this is what Donghae wants to do to stay in the city, to be near Hyukjae. That if Donghae could, he'd take Hyukjae and go back home. And if Hyukjae is honest with himself, he kind of wants Donghae to do exactly that.

"I don't know," he answers and hangs up. He wishes he could stop being selfish.

 

The director does end up getting fired and the project finishes successfully. Hyukjae declines an invitation to the launch party because he has exams coming up and needs to perfect the choreography for his new project. He makes Donghae promise not to drink and to be safe makes Siwon promise to keep him honest too. Donghae kisses him goodbye and tells him not to worry. Hyukjae smiles and fixes Donghae's shirt collar. He looks amazing tonight. Hyukjae had taken him shopping yesterday and bought Donghae whole bunch of new clothes including this suit. Donghae had protested of course. I don't know how to wear these, Hyukjae, he had complained. You don't have to spend your money like this. But Hyukjae had wanted to. He has more money than he knows what to do with and he'd rather spend it on Donghae than anything else. It’s worth it too because Donghae looks like a prince. Like a star and Hyukjae's kind of jealous that random people would try to claim him. But Donghae kisses him so lovingly that Hyukjae stops worrying. Donghae is Hyukjae's star, the brightest star in the world.

 

He is lying on the couch in an exhausted daze when the doorbell rings. He gasps in shock when he opens the door. Siwon is there, with Donghae. With Donghae who seems barely able to stand on his feet.

"He's drunk?" He asks, feeling anger and worry distorting his voice. "I told you not to let him drink! He's not used to it!" He yells and for his part Siwon does look extremely sorry.

"He said he'd be alright," Siwon tries in his defence but withers under Hyukjae's glare. Donghae lifts his head at that moment and catches sight of Hyukjae and breaks into a wide smile.

"Hyukkiee…" he slurs, trying to move forward but stumbles. Hyukjae catches him before he falls on his face.

"Idiot. You idiot," he mutters and looks at Siwon. "Help me bring him inside," he orders and Siwon immediately moves to support Donghae on the other side.

 

When Hyukjae wakes up, Donghae is sitting on the side of the bed, his back to Hyukjae. He's lost weight, Hyukjae can see now with the way his shoulder blades look so sharp under his skin. Hyukjae swallows against the guilt that threatens to overwhelm him.

"What are you doing, Donghae?" He asks softly and Donghae's shoulder rise in defence.

"You're the one who said I should give this a try." Hyukjae immediately sits up at the defensiveness of Donghae's voice.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, reaching out but stopping himself from touching the tense lines of Donghae's back. "I didn't want you to leave. I'm sorry I was so selfish." He clenches his hands on the bed cover instead.

"So I don't belong here? Should I just go back to where I came from?" Donghae snaps. Donghae is angry. Angry. Hyukjae has never seen him angry before.

"Donghae-" He starts but Donghae jumps to his feet, turning around to face him.

"This is my life, Hyukjae! I can do what I want!"

Even Donghae looks shocked by his outburst. He stares at Hyukjae for one breathless moment before grabbing a shirt off the dresser and rushing out the door. Hyukjae stares after him in the stunned silence and hears the sound of the front door shutting echo through the house. He runs a hand through his hair, only to realise that it's shaking. He curls up on the bed. He doesn't know how he always manages to mess things up. But maybe he should have known things would end up like this. After all this is what happened to his parents too. They had started in love and eyes filled with dreams. But somewhere along the way something had broken and their relationship had deteriorated to the point where they couldn't bear to be in the same room anymore. But he presses his palms against his eyes and hopes that this is not it. This can't be it. He stares at the potted violet that Donghae had bought for him with his first paycheck on the bedside table and realises that there is somewhere he has to go.

 

He sorts past the new locks until he finds theirs'.

_Lee Donghae is mine._ Hyukjae runs his thumb over the tiny writing. He remembers the way Donghae's face turned pink when he saw his words, remembers thinking how Donghae always has the ability to make him happy. He closes his eyes for a brief moment before reaching for Donghae's lock. It hasn't been a year but maybe eight months is okay too. He takes a breath and opens his eyes.

_I want to spend forever with Lee Hyukjae._

Hyukjae doesn't fight the tears this time.

 

When he gets back, there is a letter on his pillow. As much as he tries, his hands would not stop shaking as he opens it. He looks at Donghae's messy handwriting and sits down heavily on the bed.

_Hyukjae. My Hyukjae,_  
 _I'm sorry. I'm not brave enough to do this in person. But I was scared you'd hate me, scared you'd want to breakup. I wouldn't know what to do without you, Hyukjae. But I think I have to go. I'll turn into a monster if I stay. I don't want to ever yell at you. I don't ever want to make you look the way you did in the morning. I'm sorry, Hyukjae. I know I can't say it enough. I know you don't have to forgive me but I'm sorry if I made your life hard, if I made you sad or stressed. I just wanted to be near you even for a small while._  
 _I'm going to miss you so much I think I'll go crazy._

Hyukjae starts to laugh but his laughter comes out as sobs instead. Donghae, that guy didn't even finish the letter. Donghae, that idiot thinks he was a burden, that Hyukjae hates him. Hyukjae needs to find him and knock some sense into that ridiculous brain of his'.

The next decision is probably the second most important decision of his life. But it's not so much a choice as much as a path set under his feet and he just needs to take a step forward. He picks up his phone and dials. He finally knows now, with an unshakable certainty, where he wants to be.

 

There is someone in the water, surfing. It's hard to see because the sun has barely risen but he has no doubt who it is. The only surfer in this little seaside town. Who taught himself how to surf and nearly drowned. Donghae reaches the shore when the morning light has brightened. He freezes in shock when he sees Hyukjae waiting. Hyukjae wants to laugh at the way Donghae’s eyes widen but then Donghae drops his board and runs. He runs and doesn't slow and hits Hyukjae full on. Hyukjae stumbles back, arms automatically wrapping around Donghae who is crying. Hyukjae is sure he's crying. He buries his face in Donghae's shoulder, threading a hand in his wet hair.

"I'm going to stay. Not just for the summer. I'm going to stay with you forever."

 

_Epilogue_

 

Donghae is standing on the beach. The sun has almost set and the last golden light shimmers defiantly on the water. Hyukjae is standing a few steps behind Donghae, watching, waiting.

“Appa,” Donghae says softly, lifting his head up towards the sky. “Appa, this is Hyukjae. I’d like you to meet him.”

Donghae turns his head and Hyukjae sees that he is smiling. He takes Donghae’s outstretched hand and steps up beside him.

“Father,” Hyukjae starts, lifting his face towards the heavens. “Father, I’m in love with your son.” Donghae’s fingers tighten around his’. “I’m going to love him for ten years. For twenty. Forever.” Hyukjae blinks when tears sting at his eyes. “Thank you for watching over him for so long.” When Hyukjae looks at Donghae, Donghae is smiling at him. His eyes are shining with unshed tears.

“He likes you, I can tell.”

Hyukjae smiles, leans in and kisses him.

 

***

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday, lovely Donghae. I wish you all the happiness in the world.


End file.
